27 September 2008

How Many Eggs?

Anyone remember how many eggs were eaten by Cool Hand Luke in 1967?

RIP, Paul Newman
JAN 26, 1925 - SEP 26, 2008

I've never tried to get close to celebrities; to get their autographs or anything like that. What's wrong with me? Nothing. At the age of 12, I stood in the sun, leaning against a chain-link fence at Laguna Seca at turns numbered 8 and 8A to watch the cars nearly crash each time they squealed through the corkscrew.

I returned to where my father was standing in the shade of an oak tree and he asked me increduously, "Didn't you hear me yelling at you? You were standing next to Paul Newman!"

"Dad", I said, "Paul Newman was standing next to me."

If you're aware of how he disliked celebrity and how private he was, you might guess that he would have agreed.

26 September 2008

Just to be sure

Wanted to make certain that everyone had a chance to view the Palm Eclipse in the general Santa Cruz area...

23 September 2008

What was that crappy 80s song?

Something about a creaky voiced guy who wears his sunglasses at night...

Hey: If you're driving Hwy 17 between Summit and Laurel roads, you'll be wearing your sunglasses at night. That construction zone has daylight beams on cranes and those things are blindingly BRIGHT. Both directions of traffic are driving on the Northbound side, separated only by a row of orange cones. Talk about the definition of trust!

Something Old / Something New

I'd forgotten how much I enjoy BSing with nice strangers about their financial woes on a tepid summer evening in Silicon Valley. Nice people w/o a financial worry in the world, these were.
After living near the Pacific for so long, it was good to smell the pollen snap in the air... good to feel the radiant heat of the asphalt/ commercial/ housing/ industrial/ retail that makes up the valley's core... good to fly down a straight piece of highway with more than 2 lanes... at 9pm and 70F.

How do I address thee?

What do you say to a planet that has been ex-communicated from your solar system? How do you address it? "The planet formerly known as Pluto" ??? Pretty awkward. I say we all kiss and make up. After so many years, why not simply continue on as we were?

Pet dish land mines

There's a huge difference in water bowls that pet owners set out for dogs VS cats.
A dog's water bowl has sloped sides, like a pyramid with the pointy top cut off. This way, if you accidentally step on the edge, your foot slides down to the floor and there's no damage done.
A cat's water bowl is like any other human-intended bowl, with a narrow base and a wide top. Bad idea. When a person (me) steps on the edge of the bowl, it catapults the water up to knee-height. SHEET!

Living and Dying

When you sign a set of home loan papers, you feel like dying.
The two are nearly the same.

Bury or Cremate a Body

Death Certificate Recorded

Signing Loan Documents

Escrow closes
Loan Documents Recorded

--- Roxanne Stichs

When did Soap change its name?

When did soap become Body Wash?
At the same time that mankind is evolving, we are devolving our language use.
Now, the stuff you get clean with is named for it's intended use, yet this new name evokes the primal being in me. I feel like a grunting caveman when I say "body wash". Reminds me of this guy I used to work with who one day announced to a group of guys in the men's room that he needed to buy our company some ass wipe.

--- Donna Thedead

19 September 2008

An oldie but goodie

I was in a retail store some time ago and sighted this really attractive woman that I figured was younger than me (no shame in that) and we began a conversation. At the time that I wanted to trade phone numbers with her, she tells me that she's only 17. Ouch! From the clothes she was wearing, I assumed she was about 25. She didn't dress like a teenager.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm old and stuff now. Just because I can't accurately guess the ages of attractive young women...

I'm not the only one, though. It happens every day across the USA:

Do You Need a Big Brother?

30-year-old man: Hey, I don't do this very often but I need a date to the Mets game tomorrow. Here's my number.
Girl: Do you know how old I am?
30-year-old man: Um...
Girl: 17.
30-year-old man: Oh.

Overheard in New York

18 September 2008

Computers : More Productivity?

Everytime my wireless network goes screwy, or my notebook goes screwy, I really wonder how much time we save VS. how much we spend getting everything to work properly. Where's the study on that?

I know that we'll never work toward a "paperless office". As long as we have construction, legal, and medical, we'll have paper all over the damned place.

"Oooh, he's right. Print me a copy of that."

Cell phone death in the family

One night, I put my cell phone down and went to sleep and when I awoke, the keys were inoperable. Every single key on that thing did the same thing: Initiated a voice record. Then, the voice record memory was full and all it would do is display that message. After some research, I learn that this is common with the flip phones as the flex cable that runs through the hinge and behind the keyboard cracks. Common Failure. So, I replaced it and sold the old one for parts on eBay.

All I ask for is a phone that makes calls clearly. I used to sell cellular when there was only CellularOne and GTE. GTE was 43 cents/minute and C1 was 39 cents. I find myself on the wrong side of the desk at the phone company store: "No, I don't want to watch TV on a 2" screen. Why did I just pay $3,000 for a big screen TV to watch it on a 2" screen?" Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

So, here are some of the pix extracted from the old phone in a xpost here.

Taking the High Road

Hey - I'm not the one who brought a wife that looks like a retired stripper.

06 September 2008

Silver Hair

I was at a Labor Day BBQ recently where I helped lower the avg age of the group. It was a warm, windy, wild, innocent evening while I manned the Q for the home team. Captain Joni had set this all up with her pals from work and from the old neighborhood (y'know, the house she moved out of to be single again).

A nice lady pointed out that the burgers were burning and she suggested that I turn down the BBQ. I asked, "should I turn down the back, the middle, or the front burner?" She says, "I dunno. I don't know anything about BBQs." Right.

Later, everyone was complementing the chef on the early cookin' of the burgers & dogs for the kids and they loved the chicken, salmon, mushroom, onion, zucchini, etc. from the grill. After I was finished somebody smiled and said, "Hey, I hope you saved yourself a plate". From me: "Oh, no - I would never eat anything off of this barbecue grill!"

I clicked off my 4th decade almost a year ago. Have never colored my hair -- not even for Halloween -- I have a few grey hairs finding their way to the surface of my mop. After several adult beverages, one of the partiers noticed I have one silver hair in the center of the crown of my hair. "no, no, no" I retorted, "that's my antenna!"